Breaking the Chains of Self-Sabotage for Lasting Success

All right, what's up everyone? Welcome to this week's episode of Mindset Monday, and it's a good one. Today, we're diving into something that so many people struggle with, which is self-sabotage. So make sure you tune all the way through this episode to pick up the four things they're going to help you make sure that self-sabotaging is no longer going to be an issue for you. Number one, and the first thing that we need to tackle in order to make sure that self-sabotage isn't something that's going to continue to happen and that you're not going to stay stuck in the cycle, is we need to make things practical versus emotional. For so many of you, everything you do is based on how you feel. Are you tired, are you stressed? Are you overwhelmed? Are you feeling depressed and anxious? Like everything that you do starts with that and what you got to understand. It's like putting a whole bunch of things in the way of you being able to move forward, like just a whole bunch of different roadblocks that you've now got to get through before you even start moving, and then you wonder why things feel so hard. What I like to do, and what we've done successfully for our clients for 24 years, is we just put that stuff to the side, because it's always going to exist. Right, it's inside you. Stuff's going to come up. You're going to have feelings and emotions every day, unless you're a serial killer, but we're not gonna go there. What we want to do, though, is we want to focus on a couple of simple things, two or three simple things that you can do that are practical, that require no emotion. There is no need for emotion and feelings to come into play. Getting dressed for the gym or to work out at home, getting in your car or setting up your space at home and getting your work out in No emotion needed at all, no feelings needed at all. It doesn't actually matter at all how you're feeling or what emotions you're going through in order to be able to do that stuff. Like if I had a gun to your head and said this is what you're going to do, step by step. It wouldn't matter how you were feeling at the time, you would just do it, and we do this in so many different ways in our life. If something has to be done. You got to be at work at nine. Cool, you might feel like shit today. Everything's going on, but guess what? you're going to show up at nine and you've got to be able to start giving yourself practical, non-negotiable things like that that you will do regardless of your emotions and feelings, because ultimately, you're setting yourself up with a routine, with a disciplined consistency around certain actions that are going to now lead you to being able to do the things that are going to help you achieve the result. When I rely on my feelings and emotions and when I feel like going to gym, then I'll go. The majority of the time you're never going to go Right like I love working out, but I would say there's at least three days a week I don't feel like going, but I don't even think about it. It's not even a factor. I don't even care if I've had no sleep, i just go. It doesn't even matter what the quality of my workout is going to be like. I just go and figure out how, along the way, when I'm there, i'll figure out how I feel halfway through my workout, right, but ultimately it's just committing to that action and the more that you can commit to the action. Self-sabotage is no longer a factor, because you're going to do it no matter what. Think about that. How many times have you created a list of non-negotiables or a couple of simple things that you do no matter what. I didn't sleep enough, i was tired. I didn't hear the snooze button, i didn't hear my alarm fuck off. Everybody in the entire world hears their alarm. That's like the lamest excuse I ever hear. You hear it because you turn it off. You just don't get up and you fall back to sleep and then somehow you think you forgot and didn't hear it. Alright, your ass hurt, so let's get up, okay. Second thing that we want to do is we want to adjust our perspective around failure. See, a lot of times that people self sabotage is because of their perspective around failure and their perspective around perfection and things. Not being perfect therefore means I failed. Think about that Like that whole all or nothing approach, like I've either nailed my food and I've eaten nothing bad for three days, and then on Friday I have five crackers and I'm like, oh shit, i've ruined it all. Fuck it, boom. Then comes the emotional cycle Now I feel like a failure, now I've ruined it all. This is all too hard And you end up eating 10 tubs of ice cream over the weekend and I'll start again on Monday, right, like you know the cycle I'm talking about. I've lived it. I know the majority of our clients have lived it multiple times, often before they came to us and we started to deal with the core issues. We started to remove the things that they keep putting in their way, so that self sabotage is just no longer an issue. Right, you just create healthy, consistent routines that are sustainable, that you can keep up for the rest of your life. So when you can change your perspective around failure, that you are going to fuck up, like things are going to happen, things aren't going to go perfectly, and when you understand that that's part of the process, like it's literally part of the process you can't get from here to here without it Then so be it, it's going to happen. It's what you attach to that and then how you react to that that will dictate your result. You'll either self sabotage and become emotional mess and eat the 10 tubs of ice cream, or you'll just fucking get going again. You'll put your shoes on tomorrow and you'll move forward and you'll go again. So where they at five crackers, cool The rest of the week. I've sort of nailed my 80% Done. I'm not going to think about the five crackers again. I'm not going to think about the fact that I had two glasses of wine and that everything is ruined. No, i'm going to focus on the wins that I've created this week and the fact that I know that failure is part of the process. But I'm still going to show up, no matter what. I'm still going to do those things, no matter how shitty I feel about myself because I ate the five crackers or had the two glasses of wine. That's the key. It's you not becoming an emotional mess and derailing everything, which you think is out of your control But it's not. You're the only one that can control it and you change your perspective around the fact that this is what was meant to happen. Not, oh my God, this happened and it's all ruined and it's over. Like one's going to defeat the process and keep you in suffering and pain and unhappy. The other one is like cool, i understand that this is part of the path, this is part of the journey. Cool, let's keep going. Let's keep going Like I know what I need to focus on. I've got those two to three things I'm committed to. Let's go. No emotion, no overwhelm. No, i'm a horrible person and I can't do anything. I'm just going to go. Trust me, when you can master these little things and start to piece them together, you'll wonder why did you put all of that shit in your way and why did you make it so hide for yourself for so long? And the coolest part is that's liberating and freeing, because you're going to be moving forward without all of that shit weighing you down. All right. Number three dedicate yourself to nailing the small things. Like I say this to people all the time I'm going on holiday Oh wow, so when you go on holiday, you don't brush your teeth? No, i brush my teeth. Cool, so you can't fit in a 20 minute workout for your entire holiday every day, or let's say, three days out of the 10 days that you're away, but somehow you manage to brush your teeth every day. Of course I brush my teeth. It's simple. Well, doing something for 20 minutes is also fucking simple, but it's again what we attach to something being big and something being perfect, and I've kind of perfect. It's not worth doing it all or I can't do it all, so then I won't even start and Suddenly the small things that will lead to the biggest outcomes long term Don't get done and everything gets rolled up and piled up into Thinking that it's a big thing, and then we don't do it and then nothing happens. And then, after we go backwards And then you get frustrated because everything seems so much further away now than when you started. Like you got to understand out of all of this that the reason that you are self sabotaging is because of self. No one else. I hear stories all the time with a lot of women that we work with, right, that my husband Sabotages me, the kids sabotage me because there's stuff in the pantry and he won't eat what I eat and all the rest of this stuff. Cool again, remember the word is self sabotage. Right, you still put the fucking food in your mouth. You still decided not to go to the gym and sit on the couch and watch Netflix because hubby wanted a bit of attention. Self sabotage, all right, leads me to the last thing here. All right, and just to give you clarity before I move on right, nailing small things are as simple as like I've got food planned for the next day. I've got two or three meals. I buy roast chicken. I shred it up. I've got some wraps and some lettuce and some fat free mayonnaise and maybe some avocado pump, pump. I've got lunch for the next two days Protein shake, protein by lined up in the fridge ready to go. I've got breakfast. I've got a snack right. Nailing the simple things Setting your alarm, having your clothes ready. I even have a couple of clients No shit, they go to sleep in their workout clothes because they get up super early. They get up, have a glass of water, put their shoes on, wash their face and they go because if they don't, they won't. And That's the key again in this whole realm of self-sabotaging if you don't, you won't. So that's why you've got to nail these small things, all right, like I said, moving on Ultimately to defeat self-sabotage. Again, like I said, it comes back to self. We need to master self-love And I did a post on my Facebook page there if you want to check it out, go and check it out and it was all about the fact that until you master Your ability to do the things that you say you're going to do, you're never going to master self-love, because you're constantly breaking the agreements, the promises and trust with yourself, like you're sitting there day in and day out telling you We're not worried about anybody else at this point. Right, we're dealing with self, telling you all the things that you're going to do, breaking down all the ways that you're going to do it, thinking about all the results that you want to have, how you want to look, how you want to feel, how you're over Being uncomfortable and overweight and feeling flabby and floppy and fluffy and all the rest of that. Like you have so much clarity and so many conversations, but yet when it comes time for you to show up, you don't. When it comes time for you to stick to what you say you're gonna do, you don't. When it comes time for you to Commit to what you said you would do tomorrow, because I don't know, the kids were angry in the morning and hubby said something shitty And that was the reason why you didn't stick to your commitment to self. Right, shit's gonna happen. People are assholes Like stuff's gonna go on. But what was your agreement to self? And yet you wonder why you struggle with self-sabotage? because you struggle to even keep a promise to yourself, let alone master self-love, which goes all the way through your own belief systems and everything else. What I'm talking about is practical. It's not even emotional. Yet We're not even getting into the pain and trauma of why a lot of you don't believe you're worthy of love. I was one of them for 20 years. And again, how do we make sure that we don't put things in our way? How do you think your body is going to respond? How do you think your mind is going to respond when, every time you tell it that you're gonna do something, you don't? Every time that you make a promise or a mini-agreement about what you're going to do and the action that you're going to take, and then you don't? what do you think that reinforces? Do you think that reinforces self-confidence and self-belief and trust? If your partner does that to you, you're like fuck. You always breaking your promises to me. You're a liar. How dare you tell me you're gonna do this and then you never do this. You get pissed, but yet you're happy to do it to yourself day in and day out. And then you get more upset with yourself and more frustrated because now you're sabotaging your results. You self-sabotize your results, but yet you weren't even willing to like tomorrow I'm gonna do a 20-minute walk, and then you fucking don't. And then it becomes this big emotional pile of crap, whereas at the end of the day, all it was was a broken promise. But yet those broken promises over time compound to the fact that you don't believe you can do it and that you will do it because you haven't shown up. You don't have faith and trust and belief in self because you fucking lie to yourself all the time. But here's the flip side of it the only person you can't lie to is you, like that's the only person that knows the truth. You create all these stories and all of these narratives around why it didn't happen and how it couldn't happen, and everything else. But that person that you're staring back in the mirror when you make eye contact, they know that you're fucking lying because they were there. Right, it wasn't external, it was internal. You know the truth. You cannot lie to you. And then you wonder where anxiety and frustration comes from. It comes from this internal conflict of you not keeping agreements, you creating stories, but you knowing the truth that you just didn't show up, you just didn't do the do, you just didn't follow through on the agreements that you made with you. This isn't rocket science, right? The brain and human behavior and mindset and different belief systems all connected to actions. It's a operating system. It's an operating system that we can control and that we can program and we can train to deliver the results that we want, to create the person that we want and the life that we want to live and how we want to show up in that life. Right, you all have that and you feel like somehow it's out of your control and somebody else maybe will fix it one day. Because it's hard, no shit. If it was easy, there wouldn't be words like self mastery. They'd just be like, yeah, cool, i'm all right, i'll work on myself at some stage. Right, like to master anything, it takes dedication and hours and hours and months and months and years and years. But until you're willing to even show up and keep promises to yourself, you're never going to get there. You're never even going to get halfway there. Okay, so when you look at self sabotage again, what's the first thing that we need to think about in that word is self. Keep things practical, nail the small things. Understand that failure is formative, it's part of the process and embrace it. Fail forward quickly, because the quicker you get through, the further along in the process you're going to be, the more you're going to learn and the faster you're going to move And then start owning the fact that, in order to create mastery around self-love, start creating a level of self-trust and self-belief by showing up and doing the things that you say you would. It doesn't have to be perfection. Sometimes I say something and I don't fucking do it, but it eats me up inside until I do it, because time isn't always the dictator when it comes to you doing what you say you're going to do as long as you do it. If you don't do it and you don't show up, then you know exactly where you're going to end up. You're going to end up back in the same cycle self-sabotaging, ruining all of your progress, putting all of that weight back on, feeling shittier than you did before you even started. And if you ask me, and I guarantee, if you look in the mirror and you ask yourself, like fuck that, like why do I want to go through that? Why do I want to do that to myself when I don't have to? And then so many of you will sit there, like it happened. But yet you didn't do it to yourself. Somehow the universe or Mary Poppins came along and did it to you like fuck knows what you actually try and convince yourself of. Because, at the end of the day, you know the truth, you didn't do it. So if you need help understanding what to do, even if you need accountability, like I've shared this in the past, i once paid somebody $1,000 a month for 10 months just to hold me accountable. That's it. That's what I did once or twice a day to make sure I was on task. I had a huge task, that I was working towards Massive goal. I paid somebody to be my accountability partner because I know that I needed that extra reminder with everything else going on three kids under the age of five Like shit was crazy, as a lot of you can realize. So if you need that level of help, if you need the structure, if you need to know how to simplify things right, this is what we do. It's what we do best and what we've done successfully for 24 years. Comment below Let me know if you want help and I'll reach out to you personally, from me to you, and we'll have a chat about how we can do that. Otherwise, as always, email me at adamantilovechanginglives and tell me where you're at. Let's have a chat around your story and what it is that you've struggled with and what it is that you want to achieve. I will catch you all next week.