4 Steps To Regaining Self-Love

All right, what's up everyone? Welcome back to the Mindset Mastery Code. And I had a look. It's been over a month since I have done an episode and I was in Bali. I'm now in Australia visiting my kids. I didn't have a beard. I'm now three weeks into growing a beard. Life's been a bit chaotic, but I've also been building a lot of great things in the background and we've been introducing a lot of incredible women to our Mindset Mastery program. So I want to dive in today and give you the four steps to get back to self-love. And, more importantly, why is self-love the most important step when it comes to you achieving what you want, feeling the way that you want and just ultimately, being the version of you that you want to be All right, and that's what we're going to dive into. So if you're somebody that is in the car you're running around, maybe listen to this twice. If you're at home, I would say, get out of pen and paper, because I'm going to give you these four steps, and these four steps are going to require you to go back over, or at least run them through in your mind a few times for you to even gain the clarity you need to get the most from it. Okay, first and foremost, why self-love? Like, why do I even need self-love? Why throw around that token phrase of self-love that everybody likes to use nowadays and put on coasters and t-shirts? Well, what I've seen, after changing lives for 24 years, is that when you start to try and create mastery in your life, routine discipline, consistency, change, adapting to different food plans, workouts, jobs, environments, circumstances, kids, travel, whatever it might be when you're trying to achieve a level of mastery but you don't have any clarity around who it is that you are, what it is that you want, why is it important for you to have those things? And then, what is it that you need to do on a day-to-day basis to become that version of you? If you're missing that, it's like you're trying to run your computer without an operating system or any apps or programming. It's just this shell, and without this is never going to happen. So you keep buying new shells, you keep buying new looking computers and one minute, a laptop and it's a desktop, and there's flat screen and it's widescreen, but nothing changes. You're still going through the same cycle over and over again, which actually creates an even worse relationship when it comes to self-love. You're actually digressing and going backwards rather than progressing and becoming a better version of you, and that's why it's so critical to start here and again. Self-love isn't hugging trees and stroking crystals and looking at dream catchers and sitting in the couch wishing for your Ferrari. Self-love is literally clarity around who it is that you want to be, who it is that you are and what it's going to take for you to continue to be the best you. That's what self-love is. Self-love is a level of an awareness that then produces actions that are in alignment with who you want to be. Conflict is the opposite of that. I'm not going to go into that. I've got other episodes and I'll do more episodes around that because most of you are living in internal conflict every single day, because who you want to be is not how you're showing up. What we want to do is we want to strip everything away and we're going to dive into these four steps, and the very first step that we want to dive into is around awareness, because if I don't know what I'm working with, if I'm not at a point where I'm aware of all of the different things about me, about my circumstances and situations to a certain extent, those are all the external factors, but they're going to affect you. They're either affecting you now in a negative way or they're going to be things that we're going to have to work out how to navigate around so they don't affect you as much moving forward. But it all starts with awareness. It all starts by getting clear on what the stories are. What's the internal dialogue? What's the programming? What are all of the different elements attached to your belief systems that are programming you to operate in a certain way? Nothing's fluffy here. This is practical, tactical information and things that you can put into play. So I want you to hang in there with me. Even if this is an uncomfortable subject or a completely new journey for you, I'm going to give you clear, calculated things that you can do. Okay, once I start to articulate what those things are, so I write them down, I get clear, I hear myself talk about them and, if you're not sure, ask yourself better questions. What's been in my way? What's stopping me being the version that I want to be? What do I need to do in order to start feeling the way that I want, have the way that I want, but ask quality questions and I've done a whole episode and I talked to my clients about this all the time. Quality questions lead to quality answers. Shitty questions will lead to shitty answers that aren't going to move you forward. So ask questions in a proactive way. What do I need to find out about me so that I can know exactly where I am right now? What's led me to this point? And you got to understand that, whatever it is, it's attached to the past. It has nothing to do with your ability to move forward. So awareness is not about judgment. It's not about you being a failure or success or anything else. It's just about data. It's just about the facts. It's about the raw truth of where you are, and that's what I'm saying. Sometimes it can be painful and uncomfortable, but it's an exercise that, at the end of the day, if you're not willing to do it, then you're just walking around fucking, lying to yourself every day, hoping that somehow maybe things will change or you'll feel better, and then you wonder why in five to 10 years time, it's actually worse. Okay, like we can't hide from this shit. And the reason why you can't hide from the shit is because the shit is you. It's what you look at in the mirror every single day. It's what you face every single minute of every single day. It's what's going on in here every single second of every single minute of every single day. Okay, so start with awareness. And if you're not sure what to do, okay, even if you grab my $97 four weeks to self confidence and self belief, right. So once off payment, I will literally take you through not just this, but another three lessons are going to break down everything for you. If you need context otherwise today, just write down these questions inside, exploring these things yourself. Okay, but ultimately, when I look at awareness, it's okay, cool. Where am I right now compared to where I want to be? That's the first place that I want to look at. I like, where am I right now? And if I'm not sure where I want to be yet, that's okay. I'm probably sure where I don't want to be. So what are the things about my life, about myself, about how I'm operating, about my circumstances, my situations, that I don't like? Maybe that's your starting point and that's okay. So let's get awareness around that. Write those things down, okay, see them, articulate them, read them out loud. If you're doing this with somebody else that you care about and trust to share those things, like our clients share it with us. They go through exercises where they articulate this and they're like holy shit, I didn't realize that all of these things were there. I'd never spent the time looking at them, focusing on them, articulating them, gaining awareness around them. Once you've got that okay, then we can move on to the next phase of these four steps, which is all around clarity, because for so many of you, you live in ambiguity. You live in no man's land. You live in what I call the gap, all right, which is filled with blame, guilt and shame and uncertainty, like you're saying what you want, but what you're doing is not in alignment with that. So you're in conflict. You stay in this gap, like I want to be over here, but all of my actions are actually keeping me here. So I feel conflicted. So now I'm stuck in the middle Because you don't really have clarity. You have wishes and dreams and hopes, but you haven't built the clarity that comes from looking at the things that you now have awareness around and then seeing what do I need to do to move out of here? What is a new belief that is going to serve me better? What is my truth, not the truth that I've carried around from other people or other circumstances or other situations. What's my truth? Or, more importantly, what is the truth that I want to carry moving forward? Is your truth that you're somebody that can't do something? Or is your truth that, hey, even if I don't know how I'm going to figure out why I'm going to figure out what I need to do, I'm going to figure out the steps that I need to take? Could be exactly the same circumstance, the same thing coming out one is going to disempower you, one is going to empower you. Alright, clarity, where am I going? What do I want? Why is it important to me? What do I need to do to just take one step forward? Because something I share with my clients all the time is that you're often not going to believe in the transformation you wish and you hope for it and you fantasize about it, but it's so far away from where you are it's hard to gain tangible belief in, and you've tried multiple times and failed, which has again affected that level of self-belief and self-confidence. So all we need to do is we need to believe in the transitions, we need to believe in the steps that we know we can take, and the more of those steps that you do take, the more belief that you build, the more confidence that you build and the more steps forward that you take towards the transformation which then, ultimately, will only solidify your belief that it's possible. Okay, chunking it down, not trying to go across that gap in a single leap, because it's never going to happen. It's why you guys are stuck in the middle of it. Alright, so clarity is power. Clarity means that, at the end of the day, you could have awareness, and this is something that I want to make you all aware of, because it's a trap. I know a lot of people that will live in awareness. I'm overweight. I'm not this. I'm a procrastinator. I'm somebody that never sticks to anything long term. I'm a yo-yo dieter. I'm this. I'm a that they have awareness Cool, great. What are you doing about it? I don't know what to do. I tried lots of things, but nothing works. Okay, so you don't have clarity around why that's happening. What's been the trigger? What's the cause? What's the root? What's the self-belief that's limiting your ability to see past that? Now, what do you need to do to move forward? What would be the worst thing that happened if you just started doing it, even if you didn't believe that you could just do it. I don't know how cool. Can you take two steps forward and walk out the front door? Yeah, I can. Great Congratulations, you just took the first step. That's all I need you to do. That's all I need you to do is hit the alarm and get the fuck up. Do something that's in line with the clarity that you've now gained. Otherwise, you're living in voluntary ignorance. I'm aware, great. Now what? Because awareness is painful. Awareness is literally you sitting there looking in the mirror at all the things that you now realize about yourself that you do or don't have, and if you don't move and transition out of that, you stay stuck there. You're no better than somebody that never had awareness in the first place. At least, when you're ignorant, you're in less pain. I'm not saying that's the step you should take, but now you're aware. What are you going to do about it? That's where the clarity comes in. I know what I need to do. Okay, which, again, is the next step a lot of you get to, which then leads us to the third step of these four steps Honesty. Yes, the raw, fucking truth. All right, I have this right that I try never to take off, and it is literally got a engraving on. It says I live by a code and that code is real, raw, relevant results. Okay, it's something that I didn't create myself. It's something that I've gained through programs that I've done in the past, but it's a reminder, it's what I call a positive anchor. It's something that I teach in my program. It's that positive domino that leads to other things. I can't hide Every time I see this. I can't hide Every time I look at where I am in my life. I can't hide. I've got to be willing to face the raw truth of my current reality. And what do I need to do to move out of it? I might not yet believe in a new reality. Cool, because it's unknown. You've never been there, you've never done that, you've never felt it, you never experienced it. I totally understand. But I can believe in the next step I can believe in now that I've got clarity, now that I've got awareness of what I need to do and why it's important for me. Now I have to have the honesty and the integrity to do that, and if I don't do that, don't fucking lie about it. I couldn't and I did this and I didn't do that, and I never do that. No, it's just a fucking story and, yes, I'm dropping a lot of F-bombs because I want this to come through the level of conviction that some of you need to hear. I was one of them in the past. Definitely, hold my hand up. It's why I got this made and why I wear it every single day is a reminder to me that stories don't matter. The only thing that matters is the truth and the results Real, raw, relevant results. That's all that matters. Nothing else is even relevant. It's irrelevant if it's not moving you forward. It's a story, it's a justification, an excuse, a fucking noise that's just coming out of your mouth that, at the end of the day, didn't move anything forward. So I'm not even gonna listen to it. You shouldn't even listen to it. It's cool, I understand. No problem, we can have empathy. Yep, I get it. I get it. I get it. Busy parents or busy individual or busy life or everything else? Cool. What are you gonna do about it? What are you gonna do about it? Are you happy having the same conversation with yourself every week, every day, every cycle, every new 28 day, challenge four week, challenge 14, fat zap. Whatever you're gonna do, you don't want to live that way. So have the integrity to live with enough honesty around what you are and I'm doing. Again, if I gotta love who I am, I gotta love this person. I have to have a level of integrity and trust in myself, in who I am working towards becoming, even if I don't yet believe and trust that I can be the best me yet, because I've never done it. It doesn't matter. I know I can be honest along the way. I know I can do the things that I'm committing to doing because I've got the clarity and the awareness of what those things are and I know it. There's no fucking. Everything else is a story. It's attached to emotions, feelings, fears, shitty, limiting beliefs. At the end of the day, you have the awareness, you have the clarity. Did you take the action and are you being honest? Which then takes us to step four. Okay, so certainty. Think about it. I've got awareness. I've got clarity around where that awareness, what's come behind it or what's attached to it? Why have I let things affect me that much? What do I need to do moving forward? Who is the version of me that I need to be Having the honesty and integrity to take the actions needed without lying, without stories, without putting bullshit in front of whatever doesn't even matter, because I did or I didn't. That's it. And then having the certainty that I trust myself now, maybe not fully, maybe just based on the next step, but I'm going to trust myself now to do what I need to get done and to continue to do that. I'm not going to attach it to expectations or ideals or false realities or anything that I don't yet believe in. I'm just going to have the certainty that I'm committing to doing what I need to do today and then I'm committed to doing what I need to do tomorrow. That's it. It's a level of certainty. There's no fucking oh, but this might come up and that might come up. No, I don't care, neither do you, neither does results. Results don't care how you feel, how tired you are, whether your kid's got a snuddy nose, whether your boss is an asshole or not, it doesn't matter. Results don't care. Your ability to love you doesn't care. Empathy for you not becoming the best you is a fucking lie. You hug yourself and you call yourself and you go eat a few marshmallows and biscuits and cookies and ice creams and alcohol and cigarettes and whatever your vice is. It's okay. I'm in the process of just loving myself. I'm in the process of being kind to myself. I'm in the process of not pushing myself too much or too hard too soon, just in case I fail again. Okay, so you're going to say that and you're going to believe that, but it's all attached to your fear of failure so you can create a nice cuddly, warm, fuzzy story around it, but it's still attached to the same limiting belief and what you don't realize through as many kumbaya's and hugs and self-love circles that you want to get into. Yes, I'm being very facetious. None of that shit is going to change the outcome for you. None of it is going to make you love yourself, being kind to you for not doing the things that you know are in line with you being the best. You is a fucking lie. You're just making it feel warm and fuzzy and until you're willing to have the level of honesty that like cool, all that shit doesn't matter. I'm not going to beat myself up if I don't get something done, because it's a wasted emotion, same like frustration. What am I going to do? I'm going to frustrate my way out of what it's? A completely wasted emotion. I can be as frustrated as I want to be, it's never going to change the outcome. With honesty comes certainty. If I didn't do it today, I didn't fucking do it. Why didn't you do it? Because I didn't make the time, I didn't commit to it, I didn't lock it in. Cool, do I hate who I am today because of it? Fuck, no, what do I need to change around that? To make sure that I can nail that tomorrow, I'm going to get up early. I'm going to lock this in. I'm going to set an appointment. I'm going to get it done first, before anything else, even if I hate it and I've got to go to suck town to get it done. That's it. Have the honesty to own it, take responsibility, put a plan in place and then take the level of certainty to get that shit done. That's it. No noise, no stories, no justifications, no excuses. No, la la, warm fuzzy. I'm going to love myself and go do yoga for the next five days and maybe the Messiah will come in and gift me with my new. All right, yes, I'm carrying on. Okay, I hear this stuff all the time and if it worked, I would be with you 100%. I would support you, I would have empathy. I'd say, definitely go that way. But it doesn't. I've seen it thousands of times. It doesn't change the outcome. You might feel better for a while, but what does that matter if you never actually become who you want to become and then feel the way that you actually want? It just means that you put a nice feeling bandaid on for a while and cool, until it falls off again next and then you're back in depression, anxiety, guilt, blame, shame, frustration, overwhelm, all the shittiness that you don't want to live in, when all you had to do was be honest, create a level of certainty by doing what you say you're going to do. That's it. And you've got to understand that self love is embodied with trust. It's going to be empowered with integrity and authenticity and alignment, not any of this fuzzy shit that's not going to do anything for your ability to love you. All that will do will mask the actual truth of who it is that you want to be. And I'm coming from place of self love. Because I've done this so many times to so many people, I know what's on the other side of this door. It's why I create frameworks, it's why I break these things down into practical, tangible strategies and things that you can implement right now to start creating what you need that's going to empower self love, that's going to drive self mastery, which is going to lead to guaranteed long lasting results. That's it, and it all starts here. So I hope that you take those four steps. If you have questions, send me a message on Facebook. If you want to dive into the four weeks of self belief and self confidence for 97 bucks, shoot me a message. I'll send you the link. Like I said, it's a once off. It's a no brainer. Okay, you get help for four weeks throughout the entire thing. If you want to take this to the next level and you really want to work on creating change and results and get the best help you could ever get anywhere, send me a message and I'll tell you exactly how we do that and how it's super affordable for you to be able to get everything that you've ever needed to create incredible results. All right, I'm excited to be back doing episodes. I will be back next week, for sure, before I move back to Bali and then to Thailand, and I'll be set up in my new base for probably six months in Thailand, so I look forward to connecting with you then.